Forgiveness and the Inner Critic

Posted: May 12, 2010

Hello everyone!

Something has been very much on my mind for the past few weeks. I’ve been thinking about how our inner critics tend to jump on board to criticize us when we are in the position of needing to apologize. And, what you might not realize is that it’s the inner critic turned outward that criticizes others. It’s certainly normal to be angry when we have been hurt, but when there are much smaller offenses that elicit judgment and condemnation of the other person, that is when we know we need to intend toward forgiveness, even if we’re not ready to fully forgive yet.

Below is the prayer/meditation that I have always found to be a useful mantra. It could be that you know you’ve hurt someone else, maybe by accident, or maybe you’re not sure if they were hurt, but asking for forgiveness of the universe can be the first step before even approaching the other person. Likewise, when there is someone who has harmed you and you have reached the place of knowing that holding onto anger and resentment towards them is causing you more pain and suffering than them, offering forgiveness out into the universe — for your own benefit, not for anyone else’s benefit — can be a beautiful way of setting your intention of moving towards forgiveness. I know this can be difficult to swallow in certain instances, and for those, I implore you to pay attention to the line that says “as much as is possible in this moment.”

Forgiveness Prayer (say each paragraph 3 times before moving on to the next one)

For all the ways I have harmed others
Knowingly or unknowingly
In thought, word or deed
Because of fear, anger or ignorance
I ask for forgiveness
As much as is possible in this moment

For all the ways I have been harmed by others
Knowingly or unknowingly
In thought, word or deed
Because of fear, anger or ignorance
I offer forgiveness
As much as is possible in this moment

For all the ways I have harmed myself
Knowingly or unknowingly
In thought, word or deed
Because of fear, anger or ignorance
I forgive myself
As much as is possible in this moment

Surprised by that last one? Forgiveness of the self is the most important — that is where we say to the inner critic, “hey, I know I’m flawed, I’m not perfect, and I ask for forgiveness, so listen, inner critic, lay off!!”