Hello everyone!

Something has been very much on my mind for the past few weeks. I’ve been thinking about how our inner critics tend to jump on board to criticize us when we are in the position of needing to apologize. And, what you might not realize is that it’s the inner critic turned outward that criticizes others. It’s certainly normal to be angry when we have been hurt, but when there are much smaller offenses that elicit judgment and condemnation of the other person, that is when we know we need to intend toward forgiveness, even if we’re not ready to fully forgive yet.

Below is the prayer/meditation that I have always found to be a useful mantra. It could be that you know you’ve hurt someone else, maybe by accident, or maybe you’re not sure if they were hurt, but asking for forgiveness of the universe can be the first step before even approaching the other person. Likewise, when there is someone who has harmed you and you have reached the place of knowing that holding onto anger and resentment towards them is causing you more pain and suffering than them, offering forgiveness out into the universe — for your own benefit, not for anyone else’s benefit — can be a beautiful way of setting your intention of moving towards forgiveness. I know this can be difficult to swallow in certain instances, and for those, I implore you to pay attention to the line that says “as much as is possible in this moment.”

Forgiveness Prayer (say each paragraph 3 times before moving on to the next one)

For all the ways I have harmed others
Knowingly or unknowingly
In thought, word or deed
Because of fear, anger or ignorance
I ask for forgiveness
As much as is possible in this moment

For all the ways I have been harmed by others
Knowingly or unknowingly
In thought, word or deed
Because of fear, anger or ignorance
I offer forgiveness
As much as is possible in this moment

For all the ways I have harmed myself
Knowingly or unknowingly
In thought, word or deed
Because of fear, anger or ignorance
I forgive myself
As much as is possible in this moment

Surprised by that last one? Forgiveness of the self is the most important — that is where we say to the inner critic, “hey, I know I’m flawed, I’m not perfect, and I ask for forgiveness, so listen, inner critic, lay off!!”

There’s the inner critic again…

So, we’re all up to speed about what the inner critic is (if you missed it, read the previous post here), but what does it feel like when we’re under its scrutiny and under its control?

Well, you may feel:

• tired
• indecisive
• generally cranky

The trick is, we might not know that it’s our inner critic making us feel so crappy! Practically our entire world supports us in feeling bad about ourselves. We’re told to “not get too big for our britches” or that modesty is a virtue. We’re told to not get too excited about things — supposedly so we spare ourselves from being disappointed later, but this causes us to internalize a critical voice, something that tries to put a “cap” on our joy. And this brings up 2 important points:

1. The Inner Critic means to protect us and keep us safe (it’s not truly malicious)
2. Until we develop a strong awareness of the inner critic, we are identified with it, and it is nearly impossible to see.

Once we develop the ability to witness it, we start to be able to externalize the inner critic, and then, all of a sudden, we get to know ourselves as something other and more than the Inner Critic alone. But that takes work!

Next time we’ll explore more about that.

Talk with you then.

The phrase “Inner Critic” is pretty self-explanatory, but in case you’re unfamiliar with the concept, it’s that constant dialogue in your head that’s evaluating and assessing and telling you that you don’t quite measure up, no matter what.

Some people call it the Inner Judge or Gremlin, but it doesn’t matter what you call it, everybody’s got one. Where did it come from? Freud referred to it as the superego, meaning that it “watched over” the ego (this is a different ego than what people talk about in spirituality – Freud’s version of the ego basically means the conscious, everyday mind). And that’s how it came into being: when you were a kid, as you internalized the warnings and exhortations the world showered on you – don’t touch this, behave that way, watch yourself, etc. You internalized those warnings, which were meant to keep you safe, but at some point, that voice becomes toxic and those warnings go far beyond keeping you safe – they limit you and cause self-doubt and ineffectiveness.

In the next few blog entries, we’ll explore more about the inner critic – how you can tell if it is having a toxic effect in your life and how to develop some ways to free yourself from its control.